It was on or about July twenty-eighth, in the year two thousand and eleven of that which is called the common era, that I awoke and heard myself say something quite unexpected. My mouth spoke words my brain had not had a chance to review. Unfiltered, and unguarded. I laid in the same bedroom I had had for fifteen years, in San Francisco, a physical person in modern life; yet, with these words, formed with my very own lips, my life changed. I had heard the voice. A voice from my own throat but, at the same time, an announcement of whose origin I was not sure. I heard myself clearly speak aloud words that I had never said before, to my recollection had not even considered before: “I’m moving to LA.”
Had the idea originated in my unconscious? Likely. Was it from a spirit or something outside of me? Possibly. Was this God speaking? Yeah, well. Could God, did God, would God speak through me, and, if so, to me?
Perhaps. Perhaps, I considered. And, I thought, and thought. Still do today. I have decided this: why not all three? What if all three are perspectives, views, aspects, parts, angles, ways of looking at the same thing?
What would be the purpose of making such a move, I wondered at the time. As soon as I asked myself the question, the answer came. For Life. For the finding and living of Life. If I were ever going to experience my life as more than only as a biological unit, as more than as an accidental creation of evolution and chance, this was an opportunity. Do not get me wrong: I am happy being a biological unit, a physical being. But this was my opportunity to understand myself as also something more. I might not have another.
I had been practicing hard-core agnosticism for twenty years, with months in there that included flirting with atheism; for the preceding ten, I had been religious; before that, in my first fifteen, I remember a lot of questioning and running through woods. That morning in July, I did what I had not done. Not to the same degree of trust. Not in the same way before. I jumped from a high cliff into the sea. I plunged into the spiritual, open to where and how this looking might take me. Wide open. I jumped in not head but feet first; with hope, desire, and trust, not with plan. Or companion(s). I subsequently learned, after years of swimming, that I need not throw out my conscious, rational, materialistic mind, that I did not have to always swim, or to live without standing on land. I even more importantly learned that it, the conscious, rational, material mind, is not the only mind that exists. It is of, but not the whole of, a greater mind. Of Life. Whether we know it or not. Acknowledge it or not. Life which transcends religions or, at least, can be seen in and through religions and other belief systems. Each and all are a perspective, a part, a reflection of the Great Mind, the Spirit, which holds all life together. Which is Life itself.
Now to bring it down to you, dear reader.
What is it that you are about? What are you doing, who are you being in this life?
Tough questions, and ones I ask myself. Here, in LukeyoutheU, I present much of my thinking and the experiencing I have had so far.
LukeyoutheU can be understood this way: it is the idea, the practice, of taking the good from the past; realizing, experiencing, enlarging the joy and the good that exists now while not denying the difficulty that at times appears; and intending, making, creating a better tomorrow. And a better the day-after. Increasing the possibility of a kick-ass future.
The header photo is of me, a blurry photo of a blurry time in my life. Searching for meaning I was, but did not consciously did I know it. The photo was taken by an unknown photographer at a benefit gala where we all wore white. circa 2008.