When Your Day Sucks
XXX min read
Some days suck. Today may be one of those days. Here are some ideas on how to handle it.
I am not of the belief or experience that every day is going to be bliss filled or an emotional high. In fact, I think it a good thing if every day is not easy, perfect, and understandable. Before you hate me for saying so, please hear me out.
Today, the day on which I wrote the rough draft for this essay, was not a good day for me. It is not that anything terrible happened; it did not. I did not lose my job, have a car accident, have a heart attack, injure myself or others. I ate well, lived in good weather, had a short day at my job, was not the subject of any over malicious activity. I am dreading but trying not to dread the job schedule I have ahead, but hey, that is not the end of the world.
But I felt miserable from about eleven in the morning until eight at night. For no obvious reason. I was unusually somber at my job, thought many uncharitable thoughts about many people, was angry at little things that normally I take in stride. I felt put upon. Sorry for myself. Berated myself for where I was and what I was doing. Thought myself a failure and a fool. Good for no one and no good for me.
I tried to think of all the positive things in my life and talk myself out of my feeling state that way. But I could not stomach the process. Considered it foolish to start. Felt like I would be trying to fool myself.
My face and demeanor must have given me away. Coworkers gave me space and, if I am not being hypersensitive (which I may be right now) avoided me. One who asked if is I was okay chalked it up to my having a bad day. She said we all have them sometimes. Mercifully, she did not try to cheer me up. I was so glad she did not try to tell me all the reasons why everything was okay.
I hate hate hate feeling this way. I hate feeling ineffective, useless, a liar, ignorant, foolish, unwanted, unhelpful, a waste, like I am wasting my life, like I have wasted my life. I felt like all of those things, and others, at different points today. Maybe because I am by nature (a nature I have chosen and worked to make my usual/ basic belief structure) a cheerful, optimistic, and often outgoing person, these days when I feel wretched hit me hard. I know how good life is; I live in its goodness often, dare I say usually; and on these sorts of days I question if anything I believe is true. Is possible. What am I doing writing and talking and suggesting to people how they might consider living their lives when I feel so terrible in mine today.
Here is how I deal with these days. They days that suck. They are not my usual days but I cannot pretend I never have them. I do have them. Today. Today, at least until about two hours ago, sucked. It sucked for no apparent reason, for no reason I could point to and explain. It just did.
You may have run across this thought, this belief of mine in other LukeyoutheU reading. It is a thought/ a belief which I hold dear. Which has assisted me through many a dire circumstance, through times when I did have obvious, explainable reasons for despair. The idea is this: that the Universe is in love with us, in general, and with me, in particular; that it wants and delivers to us always the best. Always what we ask for or what is the better for us to receive, which sometimes are the same thing and sometimes not. Even if we do not get what we consciously ask for we are getting what it is the better for us to receive.
This is a powerful belief to have. A helpful, useful, good, mighty belief.
I shorten it this way: by asking What is the gift? The Universe is always giving us gifts, you see, and there is a gift here, today, even in this day that sucks.
Before you think I should be taken away by the people in white coats, let me explain.
We are always receiving gifts from the Universe. Always. Our hearts keep beating. Our blood keeps coursing. We keep breathing. We have, all of us, muscles that we can control, that respond to our wishes. If you are reading this, and you are, you have sanity and the ability to think. You are conscious. These are all gifts. Gifts, gifts, gifts. None of them earned. All for us to receive, and make good use of. Just because they are continuous or continual (while we live in this physical body), "normal," "usual," does not make them any less gifts.
But there is more to life you may be thinking. I heartily agree. Much, much more than existing, than surviving. There is the opportunity for all of us not to just live but to LIVE. Not just to receive life but to receive and help create Life.
So how does a day like today, most of which sucked, which seemed like a waste of a day, which had me questioning (again) not only my sanity but my helpfulness and usefulness to others in this world, how can this sucky day be a gift? How could I possibly imagine it so? I am fooling myself to think it could be.
This is a day when the idea that everything is a gift is tested.
Some of you may be thinking enough, enough with theory already! Tell me what to DO. I just want to feel better! Okay, and I get it. Go down to the numbered suggestions below. I hope you find them useful.
For the rest of you...
The question is, if everything is a gift, do I mean everything? How is that possible? If it is true, does that not mean God/ Source/ Universe is cruel? Because there are some horrific, God-cannot-be-connected-with-this stuff out there.
A deep breath, I take right now. Do I mean what I am saying?
Yes. Life/ life/ God/ the Universe/ Life is not fair. At least, it is not always fair. It is not always what we could consider just. Does not have to explain Itself to us. Does not fully explain or reveal or make known itself to us. Is not fully comprehendible (though we are smart and right to try to understand more, and more).
Shaking one's fist at it, saying that you are not going to play its game, saying forget this, I am not going to believe in anything but my perception, or what I can measure, see, touch, observe is your right and what some chose. How some chose to live. You can. It may be that you do. I ask you to consider this, however: if you do, if you believe this way, please be aware that it is a belief. It is a belief, an established pattern of thought that you are following. That you have chosen. The evidence for you being all that exists or the thought of consciousness or a greater consciousness beyond humans than includes humans exists, it exists for both lines of thinking, depending on where you choose to look. Which is based on your choice.
Before we get to the worst-and-horrible-case scenarios; in fact, I am not going to go to the worst-and-horrible-case scenarios.* Let us just look at today. At this day, today, which sucks. Which sucks for reasons either clear or unclear, explainable to oneself and/ or others, or unexplainable to oneself and/ or others.
How can I see it as a gift? How could it possibly be a gift?
I am not one of those who believe a spiritual life, a full life, a life well-lived, any of them, can be lived without some sucky days. If you were to live in endless bliss, in state of mild or great continuous euphoria, you would miss out. Miss out on the fulness of life; miss out on greater purpose; miss out on helping and living with and for those around you.
How can I say this succinctly. It is like this: were you to live in continuous high energy, always feeling good, knowing and living in ease, you would be living the life of an alcoholic, of a drug addict. You would be so self-only centered, worrying and caring only for your emotional state, much like a drug-dependent person does, that you would be insensitive to the concerns and needs of others, and, possibly, destructive and manipulative. Controlling. Uncaring.
A gift in sucky days, perhaps the greatest one, is that they connect those of us who generally live in higher energies, who usually feel connected with Life and the Universe, who want to and mostly do feel good with the rest of humanity, and the animals. Others have sucky days probably far more often than we do. When we, when I, have a sucky day, a day which tries to suck life out of me, I understand. I feel. I can have empathy. I can have/ do have greater love and connection for other people, and animals. I am not just flying on an endless high, above others; I am getting a taste of their lives. It helps me to have greater love and undersanding for them. It lets me get out of only me-centeredness and move to we- and all-centeredness, a vision/ perspective/ understanding which also includes me. I am not lost in this process. I become more me in this process because I am connected not only to my personal experience and issues but have a greater connection with other humans and with animals, of which I am also a member. And intimately connected. Intimately connected, and now emotionally and consciously cognizant of my connection.
So, you see, there is the gift: I know myself, the greater me, better, the greater me including my connection with others.
When your day sucks there is, when you can hear and understand it, the opportunity to know more the Us and You.
I titled this essay "When Your Day Sucks" and not "When Life Sucks" or "Another Sucky Day" because I do not think we need to live continuing sucky days. I do not think many of us need to live sucky day after sucky day after sucky day. Probably most of us do not need to and will not live day upon day, weeks, months, years, decades, or a lifetime of suckiness. We can, I can, I am, doing what I can not to live sucky days. An ocassional sucky day can be good to connect us, me, to humanity and the experience of others, but there is not a need, not as I see it, for us to remain mired in suckville. A little visit to that ghastly berg can be enough. At least, that is what I am hoping for, a short visit/ reminder, and working toward.
How to break a day which sucks? Here are some thoughts and practices.
That is enough for today. I intended to give you ideas to ponder and practical advice on how to unsuck you day. I hope I succeeded. Thank you for your attention. Thank you even more for wanting to reduce the number of your days that suck.
*I have had, at times, a rocky and somewhat difficult life. I have had, however, and hope never to have, anything close to worst-and-horrible case situations. My parents were not gassed and killed in a concentration camp. I have all my limbs; none have been severed from me by cruel people. I have not witnessed people being shot and killed in front of me. I have not been shot or struck my an arrow or a hammer. I have not been tortured by electric shock or poisoned my arsenic or uranium. I think you get my point.
Most of us have probably never faced such tests of will and faith; I hope most of us are never in such situations.
There are those who have been, however, and survived; there are those who have been and subsequently thrived. I bring this to your attention because we do not have to experience worst-and-horrible-case scenarios to know we want a better life. Some of us may. I hope none reading this do. We can still have a sucky day.
a LukeyoutheU essay
Marylander by birth
Californian since 1993
about Jake Knight